How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had to cum in my sink.
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