2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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