next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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