I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
