i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
