I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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