I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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