I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
