Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
