My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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