Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
