I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she woke up with a sticky ear
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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