just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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