So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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