u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize