I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
