I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
