I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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