I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
