hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
