TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
