Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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