I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
