I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
