Well douche your snatch and let's go!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
