My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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