come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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