I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
