he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
