I'm jealous of your bromance
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
