I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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