Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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