I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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