I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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