Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
are you so shy because you have an std?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
