I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
