Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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