I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
