He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
