they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
