umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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