3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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