i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
