Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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