dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
