Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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