I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
