when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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