BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The adults are the big ones right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize