Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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