I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
