I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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