I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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