I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
