some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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