So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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