if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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