Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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