I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
