what day is it and did you see me today?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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