Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
