theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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