I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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