Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
