she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
