as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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