Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
