you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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