So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize