Kiss
Puke
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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