wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
