Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
