I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
