omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
