hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
