It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
