I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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