ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's blow job season.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
