My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
