Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
