The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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