I love black thongs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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