Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
