we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
