please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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