i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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