I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
