Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
