Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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