im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize