It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize