I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
